Fighting Fear


You know those super brave days? The ones where you roll up your sleeves, put on your mean face, and give that fear a good talking to? Well, today is not that day. Today is more of a hide under the blankets with chocolate chip cookies sort of a day. Today is the day for this darn surgery.


And it makes me wonder about courage. She is such a fickle thing, isn’t she? Because when it comes to catapulting myself upside down through the air? Pshhh, cake walk. 

Jean Veloz

(Photo credit: Steve Hwan)

Processed with VSCOcam with t1 preset

But surgery? Just say the word and suddenly that courage dissipates.

So, here’s the thing. I have nothing witty or profound to say, except to say that I’m scared. There it is. I’m scared. So if you have a couple of extra minutes, would you mind tossing up a couple of prayers for me today?

Oh! And side note: we finally found fall!

Autumn in California

A California Fall

But more on this later. It’s surgery time. And, infertility? You’re going down.

14 thoughts on “Fighting Fear

  1. Hi! I know it’s a little late in the game, but I have a friend who had severe endometriosis and struggled with infertility for around 7 years. I’m not sure how long after the surgery it took, but she eventually became pregnant had a beautiful baby boy! I’ll be praying!

    1. Yes! It was my first surgery, and I hated every bit of it. Ha! How did your surgery go? When did you have it?

      I believe I have a follow-up appt scheduled this week, so I’ll be getting all of my results. Eeeeek! I know they did find endo, but I think I’ll be getting more details this week.

  2. Hi Brittany! A friend recommended this blog. Thanks for sharing your story. It might be exactly what I need to get through the holidays this year. I just finished two surgeries at the end of September. Severe endo, pretty brutal. The wait is the worst though isn’t it? That’s why I loved your Advent post. Thanks again! I am praying for you during this difficult time. God bless!

  3. Hi Brittany! A friend told me about your blog, and I’m so grateful! It might be just what I need to get through the holidays this year. Thank you for sharing your difficulties, and your fears. I just had a couple surgeries for severe endo at the end of Sept. And brutal is not superlative enough of a word to describe them. I feel ya, esp. with the whole fear thing. Definitely struggle with that on a daily basis. I hope you’re well recovered by now, and staying hopeful. Seriously, your hope is inspiring. Will be praying for you.

    1. Hi Teresa, thanks for stopping by! I’m sorry to hear you have endo, too. It’s more common than one would think. How did your surgery go? How has recovery been for you?

      1. Hi Brittany,
        Haha, sorry, I just realized I left two identical replies last time. And apologies for taking so long to see your reply. I was on a bit of low during the holiday season… family time. I don’t believe in too many kids, but I definitely felt the weight of this whole infertility thing with the number of nieces and nephews in my family already. My surgery 4 months ago went as well as expected. They got everything they could see, and I am basically recovered. Now following up with various other stuff (Ultrasounds, ovulation meds, you name it)…or at least planning to follow up. Need to store up some serious hope and fortitude but it’ll happen. What about you? How’d everything go? I see in your most recent postings that your adopting the full one hippie diet. I’ve adopted that too and ’tis a shame around the holidays isn’t it? Other than that I agree with you, it’s not too bad! I am quickly learning how to make gluten, dairy, and sugar free taste good- either that I’m forgetting how good food used to be. Either way, I’m content. I have not gone full on with the hippie toiletries yet, but I’m thinking I might start allocating some funds in that direction. We’ll see. Anyway, I feel you. Looking forward to trying some recipes from that website. Thanks again for your example of hope. It’s so nice to know of others going through this, and get tips on how to handle it myself. Keep on keepin on, sister.

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