Chasing Light

Chasing Light

The solitary darkness gripped at the light as my feet echoed down that dimly lit corridor. It was a summery sort of night, the kind that bellows in relief after inflicting inferno down upon the earth. And with the night, I let out my own small sigh in hopeful longing for sleep to soon find me. But first, the mail!

 

The reverberation from my footsteps halted as the jostling of my keys soon cluttered the empty hallway instead. And then, there it was. That lonely piece of mail sat there glaring back at me, producing its own type of reverberation on my heart. I knew what it was, sure. And my curious fingers, they flirted with the edge of the seal, lightly pulling it up and then smoothing it back down again. But I couldn’t. And it was late. And surely the early morning sun would make things right. So, there it rested in the dark of night, on the counter waiting for light.

 

But the morning sun brought with it no relief from the darkness billowing down deep in the pit of my stomach, and my inquisitive fingers were still just as curious as the night before. So, I began to grasp at the edges of the darkness tucked away inside of that orange envelope until I uncovered it: the surgery instructions for my laparoscopy. And suddenly I was swimming in new lab orders and insurance jargon and who the heck is paying for all of this?!

 

And then the tears. Oh, the tears, they flowed down deep into that darkness until that darkness was a fiery red. Anger. It coursed through my bones with newfound fervor as my eyes quickly vacillated between words like “pain” and “incision” and “stitches.” Because WHY? Haven’t we given this fight enough? And all of those prayers, have they fallen on deaf ears? So much of me wanted to run. To run away in resentment. To run away into darkness. And for a time, I did. I wallowed in that darkness as those angry tears stormed down my hardened cheeks. Because this infertility, it just isn’t fair, is it?


But there’s a thing that happens once the tears run dry and that anger begins to dissipate. Because light, He gently pursues all of those tiny shadows on our hearts, nudging us down the sunlit road when we so desperately cling in despair to the shade. And sometimes it’s only in the midst of the storm that you see Him there — waiting, calling, nudging you through. Because there IS light at the end of the tunnel, and sometimes all we need to do is take that first step. So, this is my step.

Toward hope.

Toward light.

Toward you.

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Wondering what a laparoscopy is? That’s okay. I barely know how to pronounce it, either. It’s a minor surgery used to diagnose and treat endometriosis. It is one of the many steps we are taking to “cure” our infertility using NaPro Technology.

 

Have you had this surgery before? Oh, PLEASE share your wisdom. Any and all advice is welcome.

 

 

Let's chat!

19 thoughts on “Chasing Light

  1. I just had this surgery last month- I still have a few lingering stitches! We are also napro-ing and have been trying for 2 years. This is one of those things that on this side of it, you wonder how you can do it- and then you will do it, and you will be ok. It is no walk in the park, but it’s really not too bad of a recovery, lots of laying on the couch, stretchy pants/dresses, and Netflix. I have moderate-severe endometriosis, and we are still figuring out our next steps. You can do this, and you will, and even though it’s scary, you’ll feel better knowing you did it, regardless of what they do or do not find. Feel free to message me if there is anything else you want to know. Good Luck!

  2. Hi Brittany,
    Well…I will say I had to read this all slowly. lol. A talent you have there. 😉 I wish you (and David) all the best as you await this procedure, through the recovery, and prayers for the beyond. And the following message is from my aunt. She did go through laparoscopy three times within a year and a half. She had my cousin. 🙂 She did try the procedure once more. I also sent you a personal message of more.

    “My aunt says to tell you that there is no pain and the recovery is very quick with laparoscopy surgery. She wishes you all the best. There have always been positive endings with that type of surgery, and it’s out patient. :-)”

  3. Hi,

    Sorry, don’t know you, but came across your blog through someone’s facebook post. I’ve had a similar surgery for Stage IV endo a few times (plus they took out cysts).

    1) You’ll be fine, but take your pain killers on schedule!! Especially the first two days.
    2) In case they didn’t warn you, you’re going to have a serious pain in your shoulders the first evening. It’s from gas they put in your abdomen. It will go away after a few hours, and I’m so sorry you’ll have to deal with it. It’s totally normal, and heating pads should help a little.
    3) Don’t try to get back to normal life for about five days. Even if your doctor tells you you’ll feel fine within two days. Yes, every patient is different, but I know I couldn’t bounce back that quickly and if your doc says it takes two days, he or she is probably setting up weird expectations.
    4) The whole process shouldn’t hurt too bad, it’s more like being pretty sore. And it’s okay if you walk hunched for a couple days, you’ll get back to normal soon.

    Good luck!

    Megan

    1. Megan, your comment was a Godsend!

      1) YES! I’m alive and well! You’re right. Whew. 🙂
      2) The shoulder pain is such a drag, isn’t it? Glad it’s over with!
      3) I kept thinking of your comment a couple days after the surgery, because YOU’RE SO RIGHT. I was still wallowing in misery up until, well… today, actually.
      4) Totally did the hunch walk.

      Thanks for your advice. It helped more than you know!

  4. I had pretty serious endometriosis about 15 years ago, and went through the surgery to remove it. I don’t know if I would have been infertile then, but everything in there was still clear when I had Sarah. Take care of yourself, and I’m hoping to hear good news from you one day!

  5. So you dont know me, but I know your hubby. David and i did NET the same year and i ran into him at the LT office not too long ago. Any how i just want to share w/ you I know well the surgery… I am writing to give you HOPE!!! I have had 2 laparoscopys, and have pretty bad endometriosis, I had my last surgery right after Matt and I got married. We’ve had 4 babys!! 🙂 I still struggle w/ my endometriosis and take low dose Naltrexone. But if you ever have any question or want to talk, i’d be happy to help. Or we can have you and David up to Cumming for double date! Hope and pray your surgery goes well!! Oh and keep a hot water bottle on your belly. Helps w/ sharp stabbing gas pains!!

  6. OH MY GOODNESS! I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog from the LifeTeen website. I can totally relate to what you are going through as I just had laparoscopy for infertility this past month. I am so glad I found your blog. Your words are so helpful and it is comforting to know that someone else is going through a similar situation to my own and having the same crazy thoughts I am. I am going to continue to read your blog and hope God blesses you in many ways!

    1. Hi Becca, I’m sorry to hear you relate. Sigh. My heart aches for this who struggle with infertility in such a profound way. I know the pain that you know, and I’m sorry you know it. You’ll be in my prayers!! How did your laparoscopy go?

  7. I’ve been through the surgeries too – each two weeks apart with the Pope Paul VI institute in November of 2014. I was thrilled to read your success story and will keep you in my prayers. Perhaps you could keep me in yours as I still wait. God Bless you and your family:)

  8. so glad I looked back and found this post. I have my sugary schedule for April 5th with my NaPro doctor. I’ve never been in a hospital for myself before. So, needless to say, I’m pretty nervous. I think the being put under anesthesia is the most scary for me. Do you think this is what helped you finally conceive? I’m so hopeful it will be the fix for us!

    xo

    1. Oh, Caitlyn! I KNOW the fear you are facing. In fact, I almost bailed on my surgery minutes before going in out of fear. It’s scary, it really is. But, you know? Looking back, I’d have to say the scariest part of all of it was the anticipation. Waiting for the surgery was torture. The actual surgery and recovery was SO much easier than I had built it up to be in my head. I hope that gives you some comfort.

      I’m sorry you have to go through this, but another part of me is ecstatic for you. This surgery changed my life. We struggled for NINE years with infertility without any answers. Finally, I had a laparoscopy in October, and boom! I was pregnant two months later. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the surgery directly impacted our ability to conceive. I will pray for the same results for you!

      Please, please, please keep me posted on your journey! If you need any advice or someone to vent your fears to, don’t hesitate to reach out! Prayers for you, my friend.

      1. You are a true inspiration! Thank you for the prayers and support. I have hope that this will be the answers to our prayers! Praying for you, your husband, and your little blessing!!

      2. Brittany,

        Just had my lap and hysteroscopy yesterday. So thankful I went through with it. I was diagnosed between stage 1 & 2 of endo. Basically, exactly what I was looking for. She was able to get everything. She sent the samples to pathology and I have a follow up appt set up for next Wednesday. I can’t find your post about your results (if you did a post). After your surgery what were you diagnosed with? I’m storming Heaven hard with prayers that this was it. They we will get pregnant soon. I have barely read anything where people didn’t get pregnant after the surgery. eek! Such a relief and so exiting! I hope you’re doing well and feeling great! xo

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